Ancient Security-Domian Force accidentally paves over 2,525 acres of farmland for public development project
Article by G. Radeo Sweemur
On January 15, 2024, the Fast-Tracked Development Project paved over 2,525 acres of farmland to contribute to the 1920 War Forces Matriarchy (1920WFM). Corn, carrot, and flower-cultivating land was annihilated on Feb 18, 2024. The land is impossible to recultivate to the sheer destruction caused by these measures. The action is considered necessary due to the 12.1L/Acre Carrot Ration Contribution Bylaw.
“It was a happy accident,” said Gupta Hyperdiadbriabard’abadi. “We never intended to seize these lands for war operations, but that’s just how it turned out.”
“This land could have been used for corn, or research,” said Dr. Hotta, “but we are glad that the experiment yielded such fortunate results. According to HICPA command, I’m supposed to say that the operation was a success.”
The farms were inoperable prior to the HICPA operation. It is theorizeed by many journalists that the event was “successful.” These lands, previously used for corn and tomatoes, were repurposed to serve agricultural means in the early winter months. These lands were considered wasteful by most JCS (joint chiefs of staff) prior to their reconsidering. A monk lobbying group, the GHDP (Golgothian Hybrid Data Protocol), created this resolution to ensure that all resources were used wisely. Some defeatist mathematicians unreasonably speculate, without proof or reasonable basis, that the farmlands were secured through “accidental” orders that would not have occurred without appropriate checks and balances.
“There’s a certain truth in manipulation,” said journalist Andraw Realis. “If we admitted that this action was incidental, we would have never gained these lands for our operations.”
Forumists from 8chan.co claimed that none of these actions were intentional. Some even claimed, without evidence, that the events were unwarranted and “kinless.” (To claim an action is kinless, under HICPA law, is the same as claiming that a virile man is without mother or daughter.) These claims have been dismissed by crack teams of experts and high-tier journalists. “They will go straight to Hell,” said spiritualist Handlaw Segrone.
Discredited economist Hoondau Feede estimates that as many as 1,000,523 individuals will be faced with food shortages due to this apparent “accidental” destruction and desecration of farmlands. “I truly can’t believe that the government did this,” whinged Feede on his 2024 interview. “I’m just distraught that my people have fallen into this trap of elitism and short-sightedness so readily.” The HICPA Realist Association passed these comments on to the Ministry of Accurate Deduction (MAD); readers are to rest assured that no unaccurate claims will go unpunished.
“There is no reason to doubt that we are using the lands to save our People,” said Imam Zacharrias on Tuesday. “If we just continue fighting JCAB disinformation, we should remain Whole and Kind.”
Officials have assessed the situation since. After the two-month grace period, they have decided that all events should remain indefinitely disclosed to the public. They believe that this aciton will inspire a spirit of Fairness and Mutual Understanding and Agreement within the citizenry.
“We’re happy about these decisions,” said U.S. Quartermaster Johnson K. on Sunday. “Nobody should be afraid, for any reason.”
