HICPA’s somewhat controversial “Testbed Operation” explained

In a rare moment of skepticism, only 98% of the HICPA-affiliated population of the world reacted positively in polls regarding the HICPA Joint Military Research Committee’s (HICPAJMRC) proposed Testbed Operation. The project estimates a combined cost of $3.5 trillion in genome mapping software, CRISPR-based gene splicing algorithms, and facility construction. The Testbed Operation is slated to begin some time in late October provided that the annual HICPA Unitarian Policy Voting Zoom Call (HICPAUPVZC) successfully passes Bill 19922 to allocate funding for the project.

The press release of the project documentation, released in early 2024, provides a viewer-friendly overview of its provisions. Gautama Eternal Blessing News (GEBN) has assembled the provisions which are most relevant to readers in affected zones.

*A 15,000 square mile stainless steel facility with an internal one-way mirror, to be constructed in the West Kathmandu Adjunct Zone (WKAZ).
*A gene-alteration “dream team” composed of the top minds in the HICPA research community.
*A historical hunt-and-capture operation to obtain healthy, non-immunocompromised rats from HICPA-controlled territories. This provision would require the abolition of any laws pertaining to the quartering of military personnel in civilian residences, to be considered shortly before the HICPAUPVZC reaches a decision on funding the project.
*A “giga-raid roundoup” of 3,500 JCAB military and civilian targets.

Rolph Rorbmann, the chief scientist of the Institute for Innovative Prisoner of War Research Solutions (IIPOWRS), was contacted by GEBN to explain how the project will work in layman’s terms.

“It’s really simple. We’re going to round up a bunch of rats and inject them with unstable genomes and mutagens, and test out some bombs in our new secure facility on the ones that survive. Then we round up a bunch of [JCAB] dogs, jab them and take their DNA sequences, and breed CRISPR-modified children that grow at an expontential rate. Within a year, we should have a reproducible, self-sufficient society in our secure dome that we can test nuclear and biological weapons on for generations. Think ‘the Truman Show,’ but more funny.”

The staff at GEBN are, as always, immensely excited at the prospect of further punishing Judeo-Christian society for its excesses and evils. Readers are encouraged to report all Testbed Operation skeptics to the Misinformation Tip Line (MTL) at +33–099–175–013.